Culture Is What You Tolerate
By Karl Pister, PCC
Every leader talks about culture. Words get written on walls. Values get listed on websites. Speeches get made.
But culture isn’t what you say. It’s what you tolerate.
The Real Measure of Culture
I’ve walked into organizations where the stated values were things like integrity, teamwork, and excellence. Impressive words.
But then I listened. Gossip was damaging trust. Meetings dragged on with no accountability. A few people consistently underperformed, and no one said a word.
That’s the gap every leader has to face: culture isn’t defined by aspiration. It’s defined by behavior.
If you tolerate disrespect, you are building a culture of disrespect.
If you tolerate mediocrity, you are building a culture of mediocrity.
If you tolerate avoidance of hard conversations, you are building a culture of avoidance.
It’s not complicated. But it is demanding.
Why Tolerance Defines Culture
Leadership is always teaching. Every action you take (or don’t take) is communicating.
If deadlines are missed with no consequence, the message is: deadlines don’t matter here.
If sarcasm goes unchecked, the message is: disrespecting each other is acceptable here.
If leaders exempt themselves from accountability, the message is: we run on double standards here.
It’s not what you preach. It’s what you permit.
The Cost of Avoidance
Why do leaders tolerate what they shouldn’t?
Sometimes it’s fatigue, you’re tired of another hard conversation.
Sometimes it’s fear, you don’t want to risk losing a high performer who’s toxic in other ways.
Sometimes it’s just a habit, this is how it’s always been.
But the cost is always the same: what you ignore becomes normal.
I worked with a leader who had a top surgeon whose production was incredible, and his behavior was horrible. Her comment was that she couldn’t afford to lose him. It wasn’t until there were severe complaints regarding a hostile work environment that she made the move to intervene with coaching. Sadly, by then the damage had been done. The trust was shaken. People had tried to tell her before, but the concerns were dismissed. The message had been sent that the culture favored production more than the people.
Contrast that with another leader who was working carefully to establish a culture of trust. Her charge nurses had all agreed on a code of conduct for themselves and the dozens of nurses they lead. This nurse leader, a nurse manager, walked into a nurses station one day to hear one of those charge nurses talking about another nurse in a disparaging manner, something the code of conduct prohibited. She said nothing. She went back to her office and sent out a memo calling for a sentinel event meeting, a meeting that is usually called in the healthcare field for events involve “near misses” in medical intervention. The meeting was mandatory and two days later all of the fifteen nurses were in the conference room. The nurse manager was highly professional. She didn’t call the offending nurse out. She merely described the event and asked the team what the next steps should be. The nurse that had broken the cultural expectations spoke up, very apologetically, and it was handled by the team regarding what should be done. This team went on to lead a staff that exceeded national expectations for high performance for the following two years.
What you permit, you promote.
How to Lead Culture With Intention
If culture is what you tolerate, then leading culture means deciding what you will and will not allow.
Name your non-negotiables. Get clear on the behaviors that align with your values—and the ones that don’t.
Address gaps quickly. Delay communicates permission.
Model what you expect. You can’t delegate culture, you exemplify it.
Reinforce it daily. Culture is built in repetition, not speeches.
Silence is endorsement and approval. If you see it and say nothing, you’ve just approved it.
Final Thoughts
Culture isn’t built by mission statements or retreats. It’s built by what leaders allow, ignore, and model. Every single day.
So here’s the question: what are you tolerating right now that doesn’t reflect the culture you say you want?
Because until you stop tolerating it, you’re teaching your people it’s okay.
And that’s how culture is really built.
