The Power of “I Don’t Know” in Leadership
By Karl Pister, PCC
Over the past three decades of coaching leaders, I’ve seen a quiet but powerful transformation and it rarely happens in the boardroom or during strategic planning. It happens in a much simpler moment: when a leader becomes aware of what they do know… and what they don’t.
That’s when real leadership begins.
One of the myths of leadership is that you have to know all the answers. That every question needs a solution, and that uncertainty makes you weak. But if leadership becomes about always knowing, it stops being an opportunity for growth. Some of the greatest leadership I’ve witnessed over the years starts with the three words, “I don’t know”.
The truth is, when leaders admit that they do not have all the answers, they are not being weak. But they open the door to trust, shared ownership, and real collaboration.
If you are leading teams and have fears of not having all the answers, this one is for you.
Why “I Don’t Know” is Hard To Say
Oftentimes, leaders don’t say “I don’t know” because they think it will quickly send the wrong message that they are not the right person for the job. As a leader, people look to you for answers. You are in charge of your people. You are expected to provide clarity and direction.
So you try your best to sound reliable. Even if it sometimes means faking it, and hoping no one notices it.
But the truth is, and I always tell my clients this, your people will always know. Your people will always know when you don’t know. And they are watching you navigate through the uncertainty.
This happened so much during the tough years of the pandemic. Those leaders who are thriving now are the same people who were struggling along with their people on the front lines, openly admitting that they didn’t know what tomorrow would bring, yet kept the optimism and confidence in the ultimate outcome as high as they could.
What Happens When You Admit You Don’t Know
Another myth in leadership is that admitting that you don’t know all the answers makes you an ineffective leader. It doesn’t. Instead, it strengthens your leadership.
Here’s how:
Your honesty builds trust. When your people know that you are admitting the truth, it builds psychological safety for them. They trust you because you are not hiding anything from them.
You inspire collaboration. When you say “I don’t know”, you are making room for your people to fill in. You delegate authority and work as a team in solving problems.
You exemplify real leadership. There is a saying, “If you’re the smartest one in the room, you’re in the wrong room.” Real leadership is not about being the smartest. It’s about showing up for your people even in times of ambiguity and uncertainty.
Uncertainty and Responsibility
Saying the words “I don’t know” may be discouraging, but it should not mean giving up on your responsibility. When leaders use it as a diversion, they disown their reality and resort to phrases such as:
“Don’t ask me. I’m just as lost as you…”
“I don’t know and will not deal with it anymore…”
That’s clearly not leadership.
But when “I don’t know” is delivered with intention and sincerity, it will sound hopeful and encouraging:
“I don’t know the answer yet, but I will figure it out…”
“I don’t know, that’s why we need to work together as a team to sort it out…”
“I don’t know the full details, but here’s what I know…”
That’s owning up.
That’s being responsible.
My very favorite example of this involved a very high-volume orthopedic surgeon who had been asked to be a medical director of a new ambulatory surgery center. There were some high expectations and some complicated steps that had to be taken. During the very first meeting, a scrub tech asked how some of the steps were going to be accomplished. I held my breath, since at times he was not known for handling questions like that too well.
He paused, and then said, (and I paraphrase): “Frankly, I don’t know. I have never done anything like this before. However, we are going to figure it out together”.
The whole tone of the room changed, and the project took off.
How To Practice “I Don’t Know” Leadership
Be Intentional. Notice your next thought when you realize you don’t know. Do you panic and freeze? Write them down. Take a moment to think before you speak. Make a conscious effort to prepare yourself to connect with your people.
Communicate It Well. Write a script if it helps. Find the language that will best communicate with your team. Be aware of your tone. Are you tense? Are you defensive? Are you calm? How you deliver your message is just as important as your message.
Set a Time to Evaluate. After communicating, ask yourself, did I pretend? Was I discouraging? How did they receive it?
Train Your People to Do the Same. In crisis situations, uncertainty is inevitable. Normalize an “I don’t know” culture. Don’t penalize them for what they don’t know. Support your people where they need you.
Real, Credible Leadership
Real leadership is not about knowing everything. People say tough times reveal the best leaders, but the best leaders aren’t always the ones with all the answers. They’re the ones who show up, who communicate clearly, and who optimize an environment where others can think, act, and lead, even in uncertainty.
So next time you face the unknown, pause. Breathe. And say it out loud:
“I don’t know. Let’s figure it out.”
That’s leadership worth following.
