The Moment Before the Moment: What Great Leaders Do Before They Respond

By Karl Pister, PCC

There’s a space, a sliver of time, that defines the kind of leader you are. It’s not your résumé, your title, or how many people report to you. It’s what happens in the moment before the moment. That subtle pause between stimulus and response. That heartbeat of leadership most people miss.

The best leaders know how to own the moment before the moment. I just had a senior leader relate a situation which she used the very wise strategy of pausing before speaking. She is known for having strong opinions, sometimes too strong for some. She is learning to stop, observe, orient, and then speak. Rapid response is thought to be a characteristic of good leaders, yet I would dispute that strongly. Wise words come after consideration.

Because here’s the truth: Leadership isn’t about getting the last word. It’s about owning the first pause.

The Default Mode: Reactivity Masquerading as Leadership

Let’s start with the opposite. You know the scenario.

Someone says something frustrating. Your blood pressure jumps. You feel that adrenaline spike, and within seconds, you’re speaking, sometimes before you even realize it. Maybe your tone sharpens. Maybe you retreat and shut down. Maybe you go into fix-it mode and offer a quick answer without understanding the real question.

That’s not leadership. That’s reactivity.

And the cost? People feel dismissed, problems get oversimplified, and culture suffers. Not because you meant harm, but because you didn’t pause. You didn’t use the moment before the moment.

Why the Pause Matters More Than You Think

When we coach physicians or C-level leaders, we often say: You don’t have to have the perfect answer. But you do have to have presence. And presence starts with a pause.

What happens in that pause?

• You breathe.

• You remember your purpose.

• You consider: Is this a moment for clarity or connection?

• You choose curiosity over control.

The pause is not passive. It’s the most active part of leadership. It’s where you decide who you want to be, not just what you want to say.

The Neuroscience Behind the Moment

This isn’t just anecdotal. Neuroscience backs it up.

When we’re triggered—emotionally, politically, personally— the amygdala in the brain fires up. It’s the fight-or-flight response. And in that state, we don’t respond, we react. The brain floods with cortisol. Our reasoning narrows. We lose nuance.

But when we pause, even for a breath, we activate the prefrontal cortex. That’s where higher-order thinking happens. Perspective. Empathy. Decision-making. All the things we say we want in our leaders.

Great leaders don’t eliminate stress. They learn to interrupt it.

That’s the pause.

What It Looks Like in Real Time

Let me take you into a coaching room.

A medical leader I coach uses this now to slow down the decision process. Instead of jumping in with conclusions, he asks questions. He clarifies. And sometimes will call a follow-up meeting to allow himself time to consider the input he has just heard.

Can you imagine yourself hearing a leader say “I like your thinking. I would like some time to consider that. Could I meet with you again tomorrow when I have thought through what we have just talked about?”

How to Build This Into Your Leadership Muscle

This isn’t personality-dependent. You don’t need to be naturally calm or conflict-avoidant. This is a practice, and like any leadership behavior, it can be trained.

Here’s how you build the muscle:

1. Name Your Trigger Moments

Start by identifying where you’re most likely to react instead of respond. Is it in conflict? When someone challenges your authority? When a meeting goes off-course?

Know your hotspots. If you can predict it, you can prepare for it.

2. Practice Micro-Pauses

You don’t need a five-minute meditation. Start with two seconds. In meetings, before you speak, ask yourself: What’s needed right now?

That small pause often reveals what’s really required: empathy, direction, or even silence.

3. Use Neutral Prompts

Buy yourself time with bridge phrases like:

• “Let me think about that for a second.”

• “That’s an interesting perspective.”

• “Tell me more about what’s behind that.”

These phrases aren’t deflections, they’re leadership tools. They slow down the conversation and speed up trust.

4. Debrief With Yourself

After tough conversations, don’t just move on. Reflect: Did I pause? Did I lead the moment or was I led by it?

That post-moment awareness is how you sharpen your edge.

Why This Matters Now More Than Ever

In healthcare, in business, in life, things are moving faster. Pressure is higher. Everyone’s exhausted. But the leaders people follow aren’t the ones who react fastest. They’re the ones who slow down enough to see clearly.

When you build that pause into your leadership DNA, everything changes.

You stop firefighting and start fireproofing.

You stop managing the moment and start multiplying your impact.

You stop trying to win the moment, and you start owning it.

Final Thought

If you remember one thing from this, great leadership isn’t built in what you say.

It’s built the moment before.

That’s where courage forms. That’s where trust is made. That’s where your legacy as a leader begins.

So next time the pressure rises, and you feel that surge, don’t rush.

Breathe.

Lead.